Love in an RSJ

Had a great time speaking at a wedding today. What an honour and a privilege to be able to bring something from God's word at such a significant time. When I met the couple to talk about marriage I felt God impress upon me to speak on "the significance of promises" at their wedding and it ended up fitting in well with the rest of the service.

I felt confident that my main point was very biblical (and backed up by John Piper!) but I wish I had been able to find a good key text to base it on. I always feel a bit at sea not staying close to a passage as I know that left to my own devices I am inclined to get things a bit muddled and wrong. I have just read Joel Virgo's helpful blog on prayer and come across this verse which illustrates a bit more what I was trying to say:

Neh 1:5   And I said, "O LORD God of heaven, the great and awesome God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, (ESV)

or

"keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and obey his commands." NIV

My point was that love, enduring love, steadfast love, is undergirded and supported by a framework of promises. This verse captures the link quite well with its "keeps covenant and steadfast love". I referred to Psalm 145:13 which says it simply and poetically:

The lord is faithful to all his promises

and loving towards all he has made

Hebrew poetry often "rhymes" with similar concepts rather than sounds, and this verse says the same things from two slightly different perspectives. On one side of the coin "The Lord is faithful to his promises" and on the other  he is "loving to all he has made". The downside with this verse is that is it not universally included in all of the best manuscripts (just one of the Masoretic Tests, the dead sea scrolls and Syriac). Is it really inspired? Well, like the end of Mark, since the concepts are taught elsewhere in the bible it's not that important. Using it does feel a bit like walking on thin ice though!

A larger and more overbearing example of my point was that when God initiated a relationship it was with promises. These promises formed a reliable structure, not just for their relationship but in fact undergird and form the framework for God's love to be poured out for the whole world in Jesus Christ.

Covenant promises give love it's backbone. Without it you can be left with what I call "spineless, lily-livered, jellyfish" love (Actually Sybille Faulty used that expression to describe Basil's, her husband's, lies. It just popped into my head from 20 years ago! "Basil" - she says the name so wonderfully quickly and sharply, like a gun going off - "I have had just about enough of your spineless, lily-livered, jellyfish lies!").

I gave an illustration from James Mays TV series where he does cool things with toys on a large scale. In one of his programs he decided to build a full sized two story house out of Lego. The problem was Lego is manufactured to come apart easily so for safety reasons some wise people persuaded him to build it around a wooden frame. It would probably have been ok for a while but if you are going to live in it for any length of time and not tip toe around, it's best to put in some support.

It's the classic image of a house being built - The wooden framework goes up first, then the roof and sides and paint and furniture.  If you really want to build big nowadays you can't beat a steel frame for sturdiness.  In a marriage ceremony, when couples make promises to each other they are setting up a supporting structure for their love. With each promise, you can almost hear the banging of hammers driving nails into wooden beams or the sonorous clangs of steel supports being bolted together. It struck me that at the next weeding we should decorate the hall with massive steel girders. It would be more manly than linen and express something of the strength and power of love. I don't think any self respecting bride would or should go for it though!

I always feel uneasy about quoting Shakespeare as I can't really understand a word he says but I like this bit:

            Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds,

            Or bends with the remover to remove

When I first read that my reaction was the same as when I read any Shakespeare. What on earth is he talking about. He's using words but they are all jumbled up. It took me a while to understand what he was saying. I'm not a great one for poetry, but basically, translated into my language: he's saying that Love is an RSJ. A Rolled steel joist. It's not quite as romantic but it makes the point. (Perhaps someone should produce an annotated Shakespeare that just says it like it is in pithy to the point statements). Maybe the bibles "love never fails" is a good compromise between clarity and poetry.

I was more comfortable quoting John Piper:

"Staying in love isn’t the first task of marriage. It is a happy overflow of covenant-keeping for Christ’s sake."

I love this quote. As well as reassuring me that I'm on the right track, it points to how we can actually stay faithful to the promises we make. We do that by living for the glory of Jesus Christ and seeking his kingdom first. As we live in the good of his love and live our lives for Christ the Holy Spirit will give us everything we need.        

I ended with a quick word about the roof, walls and furniture. While the strength of love is in the promises, who wants to live in a steel framework or a mass of iron girders. It's drafty,  the rain comes in and there in nowhere to sit. It also has no personality. We clad and furnish our marriage with expressions of love to one another, with how we talk to each other, how we look at each other, presents, touch, and maybe even poetry! These things determine how a marriage feels; how healthy it is - not only for  the couple but to others like children and friends.  Without it all that steel can start to look a little like a prison! I guess if you neglected the upkeep of a building for long enough it can weaken the frame but ultimately its the promises that give love and marriage its enduring strength and that's what happens in a good wedding ceremony.